I recently accompanied my mother and stepfather to tour various condo complexes in the New York Metro Area. As they near retirement, they are considering selling their house and moving into one of these communities.

This little excursion confirmed for me a phenomena I had been perceiving since 9/11, of unprecedented sprawl around this area. As you probably know, the housing market exploded overall in the last few years, but it especially did so in New York City suburbs. I theorize it was due in part to the fear-factor as people fled the city proper. I had already been seeing signs of this sprawl when I would go downstate to visit my family: intense traffic in the town square area of (what was once) my tiny hometown.. witnessing inordinate human density in shopping districts of the county (leading me to nickname Westchester the new sixth borrough).. and finding it commonplace to see childhood friends buying houses as far north as Putnam and Dutchess counties while still commuting to work in New York City..

I mentioned before that Gen-Xers live solely in their heads. That is why the documentary Crumb is the holy grail for male Gen-Xers, who grew up in the post-feminist era. The movie explores the psyche of comic book artist R. Crumb, and his psychosexual & racist drawings. In essence, it attempts to shed light on the reasons behind his darkest sexual thoughts - "reasons" Gen-Xers were all too happy to embrace and normalize.

Ever wonder why Gen-X males can stare at your t!ts, flaunt their p0rn collection & not hear a word you say? Well, ladies, it's because they are sensitive enough to understand the primal workings of the male mind, not because they're chauvinist pigs. And, um, that's not total bullsh!t or anything. Like how Michael Richards enthusiastically endorsed lynching but denied being a racist. No, no, no. It all makes perfect sense. Maybe you, too, need to stop suppressing your inner-tramp and start giving it up to these insightful & respectful gentlemen. I mean, what's more "empowering" than acting like a skanky whore?

Holy Christ, Gen-Xers love to talk. And I don't mean have a conversation. They love to talk AT you. You might not realize it at first, and you'll foolishly try to add your perspective. But you'll quickly learn that Gen-Xers will continue to talk OVER your responses. There's no point in even trying. You could physically morph into a chupacabra and start killing baby lambs and they wouldn't miss a beat. No, all you can do is just wait it out. Eat a snickers because you aren't going anywhere for a while. And it doesn't even matter if what they are saying is relevant, logical or accurate. It's like a stream of consciousness that goes absolutely nowhere.

You woke up one morning, and the Internet had pictures. Wynona Rider no longer represented Hollywood's youth. And your CD collection - which hasn't changed since 1997 -is no longer cutting edge. Is this a nightmare? No, worse. You're a Gen-Xer.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that growing up in the Boomer's shadow was tough. You're right about one thing, the Boomers aren't as important as they think they are. And hey, I'm the first to admit that my generation - Gen Y - has it's share of issues too. But to watch Gen-Xers embrace this media brand name as their identity (and, worse, wear it as a badge of honor) is about as horrifying as watching Santa Claus & all his elves gang rape the Christmas puppy. I mean, do we really have to tolerate this? Why do you love to pigeonhole yourselves into what some crappy Time Magazine article from 1990 says you should be?

While this was the beginning of the transition into official adulthood, the following signaled the completion:

This is where I get off the proverbial kids' bus. I'm not even fit to chaperone on this bus...

It's the newest hip-hop trend that has even Ice Cube asking 'What is with these kids these days??' In short, Ghost Riding is when black urban youth rich suburban white and asian kids blast some hip-hop tracks from their car and proceed to exit the vehicle while it is still in drive in order to dance alongside vehicle or on the hood of the car. Apparently this is perceived by participants as impressive, likely due to high mercury levels in most American water supplies in the the late 80's.

I've reached that dreaded milestone.

My mother bought me this awesome T-shirt, and everyone I know is too young to know what it is. I feel like a dinosaur. Or maybe a Gen-Xer.

DAMN KIDS! GET OFF THE FRONT LAWN!

What was your milestone?

I was cleaning out some old boxes yesterday & I came across a CD collection that used to belong to my teenage self. Stuff like One King Down, Korn's first album, NIN, etc. Man, I used to be such a little anger child. How embarassing.

If I cringe thinking about my teenage self, would my teenage self cringe to see me now? Probably.

Me@16: How did you get so uncool? You don't smoke anymore, you don't go clubbing anymore, you're all settled down...You represent everything I fear about getting older.

Me@26: Why are you so angry? Life isn't as bad as you think it is.

Me@16: I can't believe you're married and have a house. Sell out. You're totally turning into mom. I should probably kill myself now to prevent this from happening.

A couple months ago this inter-office memo came thru the pipeline...

It kind of made me reflect how, after experiencing a dot-com downsizing, I had feared I'd be out of place starting a new career in television at age 28. I figured I'd stick out like a sore thumb in between the just-out-of-college frosh and the TV veterans running the place.

Just as the memo described however, there was such a generational mix without a one-to-one heirarchy correlation. There were people in their late 50's starting their first TV job too.

It just proves something I had forseen for years.. That the concept of what-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up was gone.. supplanted by what-do-you-want-to-do-this week.. We all live so long now that, before we die, we will likely have many chapters in our work career, and life overall for that matter..